


Wonder

by Shadowdianne



Series: Lost moments [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6468796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/Shadowdianne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma opens her mouth and stares at her. Words that Regina can see as clear as a fire spell waiting there.<br/>And Regina… Regina just wonders.<br/>After "Our Decay" there are some things Regina needs to think about. Or perhaps not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wonder

She never got around when Emma’s laugh changed, neither did she to realize that strength and bravado turned into meek, tired looks. She never exactly saw the transformation.

And perhaps that’s what ate her; the realization that she couldn’t point a moment in where that happened. In where the blonde who once decided to use a chainsaw against her tree just because was now… a ghostly appearance of someone she once used to know.

Or hate.

She is sure, as sure as she can be in a place where everything looks the same and yet it isn’t, that the changes came with promises and trades that were passed under the pretenses of true love. And as much as she feels her skin crawl and her brain screech she knows she shouldn’t be judging that. Considering how much she has changed herself as well.

Because the Regina she still can feel inside of her wouldn’t have let a smelly pirate doubt and mock her son’s skills. About anything. The Regina she still can feel there would have never stood and listen to words that mean nothing at the end, knowing that her sister is right on her assumptions about Hell and Robin and safety. Because at the end those assumptions go to the most important question of all:

Why didn’t she leave when she had the chance?

The Regina she is now is mostly like the same pale twin she can see on Emma’s eyes whenever they look at each other. Which is less than before and pained, as if the two of them could sense that something has shifted. But as pained as it is, what hurts the most is realizing that she has blind herself to the changes, those telling changes.

And as she sits there, in the middle of the night in an apartment that’s not even hers, in a place that is not her home, with just one person in mind, she realizes that what really bothers her is the fact that she has closed her eyes to that. That she could have known before.

Because she knows.

She can still remember the day she first felt like losing her mind, she still can open her eyes and remember the first murder she got to see from her throne as a Queen. The ones she herself perpetrated as a Witch are many, many more. She still can remember that critical moment in where the world lost its balance below her feet.

She can remember many, many things, things she doesn’t regret but she has need to forget herself about, to learn the path she needs to close and never cross again. She can remember Emma looking at her in Camelot, eyes green, darker, a whisper falling from her lips.

She can remember looking at Robin and think that what she may have with him is not as perfect as it theoretically should be.

And perhaps she is also angry at the fact that she keeps thinking things like that, like the words she had shared with Robin, like the words she has been playing with ever since the term “family” escaped her tongue and just a face appeared on her mind. And perhaps she can fool Robin, or even her sister, but not herself.

That’s why she is there, sitting in the couch in the first place, unable to sleep and thinking on a boy who is not a pre-teen anymore full of ideas and the feeble idea of what a fable is and on a woman who is somewhere in the apartment probably trying to sleep as much as herself.

Which makes all of this even more ironic.

Because Regina knows and Emma knows, because there, when the Chernabog attacked they looked at each other and Regina desired the blonde, and when they were alone in that road trip Regina eyed Emma’s wrists every single second of that trip, thinking on how would be to touch them.

Because there is lust and there is them.

And is just stupid and she resents herself for having decided to turn a blind eye to Hook and Emma, to let jealousy win her over.

And it can be pointless but she stills feel sorry for that.

Behind her a voice startles her, a deep, sleepy but also confused voice she recognizes all too well and she doesn’t turn nor look when she feels the presence at her back, just behind the couch, two hands grabbing the material of the it and squeezing them at both sides of her neck, her peripheral vision giving her the details of those short short nails and pale skin.

Emma’s pulse just there, so close.

“I thought everyone will be sleeping”

Is a whisper, one that makes Regina skin to buzz and her eyes to adjust and she feels herself wanting to turn and see if she can actually make that ghost-like woman appear… alive. Which is quite egotistic, but she still was a queen after all.

“I wasn’t in the mood” She answers, and her voice is also far too deep, result of the many hours she has passed in silence, sleep trying to win her over but failing.

At her back she can feel the sudden stiffness of that body that shouldn’t be so close to her but she doesn’t comment, nor does Emma until her voice breaks the silence again, a question falling from those pink lips and Regina wonders in a self-derisive tone if she really sounds breathless or is her mind playing games with her.

“Are you ok?”

And Regina knows that another Regina, the one who was the mayor and welcomed a stranger on her home with cider and innuendos that should have been followed, would have said something bitter and as hurtful as possible.

One of the few parts of this new her though is the silence and as she hums noncommittally she can feel Emma doubt at her back, the fingers that keep being at her peripheral playing with the couch’s awful fabric.

“And you?”

Is a question she shouldn’t have asked, she knows that, there is a hint of risk every time they are friendly but far too close, as if some kind of rule they both helped to create has been broken. Still, when Emma’s scent seems to engulf her Regina closes her eyes, burning.

“I will be”

Is the closest thing Regina will have to the admission of how tired Emma really is and she nurses the truth the same way she would nurse a glass of wine; softly, carefully. When the silence stretches she can feel Emma growing restless but she doesn’t say something until the blonde seems about to leave, the last words forming far too easy on her lips as they curl on her teeth.

“Want to stay with me?”

Is funny because until she hears the gasp the possible double entendre hasn’t even reach her mind. Of course Emma, mother and yet as easy as a frat boy would pick it up before her.

She is about to say something about that when she feels Emma moving to one side of the couch, her long legs the next thing Regina sees about her followed by that face that looks far too lost, far too void of color and passion and push. And there is just pale blonde with white and green that used to be vibrant and now is dull.

And she never realizes the exact moment. She never saw the first time Emma lost her light.

But she can see it now and the blonde woman looks lost and she is wearing just a tank top and some hideous idea of what a pajama is on her legs but there is the memory of red and white and muscles that begged for attention as Regina smiled at the still stranger staying on that awful room. And Regina really can’t stand it anymore.

She is no fool, she has long accepted that kisses can’t fix everything but she still pushes herself towards Emma and traces the collarbone, silent, thinking, refusing to think on how intimate this is already, on how they have been treating each other since Emma said the words special, unique, on how many lunches she got with the blonde, on that quiet soft smile that didn’t seem to be asking for anything more than what Regina is about to do now. Unless she stops herself. But that won’t happen.

The skin is slightly colder than she remembers and Emma’s intake of breath is enough to emphasize the lines of the bone and the muscle but Regina keeps touching, reaching for the blonde’s pulse on that long neck, tracing a lazy circle as she eyes her, the way those eyes now seem darker, how those lips part, plump and pink and there is still white, so much white, but there is that fiery stance, hidden behind layers of supposed duties.

Regina just want to laugh, and cry perhaps.

She does neither of them though and keep caressing, the circles turning into scribbled words in Emma’s neck, her finger lowering now, reaching between the blonde’s breasts, which seem more prominent perhaps of what Regina remember but she doesn’t let her brain kidnap her completely so she keeps playing, writing. And there is no explanation for this; just Emma decided to stay and she is worried, worried she is doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

But Emma is still looking at her, eyes looking back between her lips and her eyes, as if thinking on a proposition they both had thought but never had voiced and Regina wonders if today will be the day she will finally heard it.

She lowers and moves her finger, now tracing the obvious cleavage of those breasts encased on that tank top. Emma stops breathing, Regina does not.

She could keep playing, she knows that, she could surge forward and grab those lips and move and fight for that fiery streak she knows is somewhere behind all that complacent words and acts, she could try and bite that bottom lip, grab the woman’s hair and just kiss her until the two of them are panting, not done by a long mile.

She, instead, smiles and nods before pulling away, her sex pulsing slightly, her clit deliciously sensitive.

Emma opens her mouth and stares at her. Words that Regina can see as clear as a fire spell waiting there.

And Regina… Regina just wonders.


End file.
